Запоминаем: Каких ловушек стоит избегать в письменных заданиях AWA
Автор статьи оценивает эссе, написанные 51-м финалистом конкурса на стипендию Brightest Minds MBA.
Эссе особенно важно в этом конкурсе, так как именно оно позволяет установить разницу между участниками, которые получили высшие баллы (всего участников было 4 500). При оценке эссе финалистов стало ясно, что лучших авторов отличает от всех остальных две стратегии:
Во-первых, понимание того, что в задании не требуется писать собственное мнение. Авторы лучших эссе сосредоточились на том, чтобы обсудить тезисы автора исходного текста и с использованием ситуаций, примеров и контрпримеров доказать неверность его логики.
Во-вторых, все лучшие участники сэкономили немного времени, чтобы вычитать эссе на предмет орфографических или грамматических ошибок. За орфографические ошибки оценку не снижают, но, если из-за этого страдает логика, результат ухудшается.
Вот два кратких примера ответов на письменное задание с конкурса с анализом разницы между хорошим ответом и неудачным.
Задание
“The following appeared in a memorandum written by the Dean of Sciences at Wilmark University to employment offices nationwide:
In the past year, it has been observed that the incidence of anxiety episodes in psychiatric patients falls dramatically after dance therapy classes. Therefore, and as based on such findings, the opening of further and significantly higher enrolment in dance therapy courses would be wise, as would the rise in music therapy courses. Consequently, the findings also mean there will be further employment in the field of therapy, which can only mean more money for the university and great success rates in pairing students with fantastic jobs in the field of therapy.
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.”
Ответ 1
The Dean of Sciences at Wilmark University is clearly enamored by dance therapy’s potential benefits for psychiatric patients. However, the Dean has also taken a micro-level view on dance therapy, ignoring the fact that each psychiatric patient is unique and requires programming tailored specifically to his or her needs. Therefore, the sweeping assumptions the Dean makes about the effectiveness of dance therapy cannot be applied to all psychiatric patients.
As I alluded to earlier, each psychiatric patient requires a customized program tailored to his or her needs. While patients suffering from PTSD or recovering from childhood trauma might respond well to dance therapy, patients who are introverted in nature may be resistant to dance therapy and overwhelmed by the experience. Additionally, decreased incidences of anxiety episodes is a finding that only applies to individuals suffering from anxiety in the first place.To assume that all patients will respond well to dance therapy is an error the Dean of Sciences simply cannot make.
Furthermore, the success of one method of therapy does not guarantee an increase in the demand of that form of therapy, let alone any consequential increase in university enrollment by aspiring dance therapists to meet such anticipated demand. The population of individuals suffering from conditions that dance therapy benefits may never even become aware that this method of therapy works in the first place. And even if demand for dance or music therapy increased, how can the Dean know that Wilmark will be the school whose enrollment will benefit from such demand?
Based solely on the findings of one study, it is not reasonable for the Dean of Sciences to jump into such a direct cause-and-effect assumption of the profitability of bolstering of the university’s dance therapy curriculum. If the Dean had also taken additional studies into account, demonstrated specific instances in which dance therapy is and is not successful, and found a demonstrable link between the success of one therapy method and Wilmark University’s ability to generate increased revenue by offering more classes on such therapy methods, then he or she might have been more persuasive. Until the Dean does so, the assumptions he or she made are simply not enough to support the argument for additional dance therapy classes.
Ответ 2
The assumption that dance therapy has a direct correlation to a decrease in anxiety episodes in psychiatric patients is extremely flawed. The Dean at Wilmark University has made a number of assumptions that do not stand up on their own, nor do they support the argument that opening further dance therapy courses would be a good idea.
Firstly, the Dean’s findings are flimsy and clearly are not substantial enough to support this argument for one simple reason: he does not include the findings in this memorandum. If the findings were as groundbreaking as he alludes to, there would be no need to keep them from the reader. Therefore, it is impossible to conclude that the findings are a good enough reason to move forward with adding additional dance therapy classes, which will only cost the university money it likely does not have.
Secondly, I don’t think dance therapists make enough money. I would never get a degree in a career that doesn’t promise a lot of money, and I don’t think other potential therapists would either. If nobody wants to be a dance therapist, nobody will enroll in these new dance therapy classes.
Therefore, the Dean of the university has made a costly and faulty assumption that adding dance therapy classes will benefit the university. Not only are there no specific findings, but even if the findings were true I don’t think anyone will want to be a dance therapist.
Анализ
Оба ответа короче, чем должно быть эссе на GMAT, но первый гораздо сильнее. Если присмотреться, заметно, что, хотя автору первого ответа стоило бы добавить еще пару параграфов, он гораздо лучше подкрепил свои аргументы, показав несоответствия в логике заметки, написанной деканом факультета. Выказав сомнение в результатах исследования для людей в целом и в его действии на терапию в целом и особенно на студентов университета, автор успешно использовал логичные и разнообразные аргументы для написания эссе.
С другой стороны, автор второго ответа пытается возразить ходу мыслей декана, опираясь на собственные мнения и предположения. Вместо того чтобы обратиться к логике причинно-следственных связей в обращении декана, автор эссе обращал внимание на не слишком важные детали (например, отсутствие цитат из работ декана в задании) и собственные предпочтения в области карьеры. Такие неверные ответы, основанные на личных мнениях, очень популярны среди студентов, и весьма важно избегать этой ловушки.
Продолжайте тренировать навыки письма, но не забывайте и побольше читать (например, статьи из газеты The Economist). В газетных статьях очень хорошо видно, как строятся логичные аргументы. Кроме того, читайте материалы о письменных заданиях GMAT на сайте.
Удачной учебы!
Автор:
Ольга Гапченко
044 221 40 50
